Sometimes, job opportunities land on your laps when you are not looking for them. But the role may be lackluster, or you may have just started a new job and are not ready to move. You have to say no to that ex-boss you admire, a company that tops your dream list, or the industry you ultimately want to break into.
For many of us, it’s of interest to reject the opportunity but keep the door open. But how to do that? If you google “how to say no to a job offer and keep the door open,” you will get many search results. While I envy their google rank compared to my website’s pathetic rank, I think all these articles missed the point.
The entire first page says that you need to be polite, appreciate the opportunity, and give valid reasons for your rejection. They talk a lot about “how to say no,” but have not touched on “how to keep the door open,” the more challenging part.
Let’s not lie to ourselves:
A polite and reasonable “no” is still a “no.”
When I recruited for my team, some of my favorite candidates said no to me. Trust me – they surely cushioned this with lots of politeness and gave me great reasons. But the “no” was loud and clear in my ears.
Give Many “Yes,” One Clear “No”
If you want to “keep the door open” and “not burn bridges,” don’t come with this prominent “No.” Instead, say plenty of “Yes.”
You are trying to keep a future possibility alive. This possibility is why you want to keep a door open and a bridge unburnt. I want you to envision it and describe this possibility to the interviewer with many “Yes.”
Say “Yes” to the possibility of working with this person. Illustrate what that possibility looks like – how motivated and inspired you would feel, and all the benefits you will receive, personal development, or career opportunity.
Say “Yes” to working with the company. Talk about why you see a bright future for this company in the industry, how the trends seem to bring tailwind, and how you see yourself embarking on the same journey towards their mission – caveat: not now, but at the right time.
Say “Yes” to working in the industry or the function, whichever makes sense for you. Say how you see it as an attractive career direction you will want to pursue – caveat: not now, but at the right time.
It is essential to let your hiring manager hear all these “yes.” The most obvious reason is that no one would know if you didn’t say it. But more importantly, “yes” makes the energy much more conducive and opens up possibilities. When you dedicate energy to the big picture of working together, the concrete but unsatisfactory role becomes just something technical. You shift both of you into a mode of co-creating a future aligned to the vision you described. Sometimes a better opportunity surface right there. Sometimes, it emerges months or years later. What you need is to make sure they reach you. Regular touchpoints and check-ins surely help.
But you may wonder, will this make the hiring manager confused? What about the “no?”
You should make the “no” very clear: Not this rank. Not this function. Not now. Clearly deliver your intention: Big “Yes” (to the future possibility), small “no” (to this specific role now).
Go For The Interview, but Not the One You Thought
“Should I even go for the interview?” People debate a lot about whether to go for the interview when they know they would reject the role.
If I go for the interview without sincerity, will my ex-boss / contact person think badly of me? Is it a waste of everyone’s time?
If I go for the interview entirely unmotivated and unprepared, will the company have a low impression of me?
If you think there’s something worth “keeping the door open,” then you can and should have a conversation with the hiring team, regardless of what you think of the role.
Set the right expectation so that this conversation is not the same one they requested you to attend. Sincerity and honesty go a long way, especially if you are dealing with someone’s trust. Share your thoughts: If I love to work with you and your company but have reservations about this role, will you still be open to a conversation?
This conversation is a great space to validate your reservations and assumptions about the role. Sometimes you may find your earlier impressions wrong and change your mind about the position. But if you were right about everything, make this conversation an interview anchored to a broader exploration than the specific job.
As such, interview them on the broader aspects and in a mid-term horizon: What kind of company and culture are they in general? What is the industry like for my career prospect? What types of roles may emerge in the mid-term? What is the hiring manager’s work style? What kind of business does he run and what kind of team is he building in mid-term?
Leave a great impression for them to remember who you are, what you are great at, what sets you apart from others, what are you motivated by, and most importantly, the picture you envision working with them so vividly.
